I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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