The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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