You can't special order awesome
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
