I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
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We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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