Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I feel great
I just peed on a car
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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