I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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