Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
