He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Im part way to drunk.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
