Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
