you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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