I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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