There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I can text with my tongue
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
