its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
