hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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