the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Vodka?
Forever.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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