im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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