I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
