you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
