Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
