If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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