***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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