i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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