So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
