I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
