ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
