i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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