My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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