I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
