You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
