Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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