I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Me too!
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
