i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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