we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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