Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I didn't shave. On purpose
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
