i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
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Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me