yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
