Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
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worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.