He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
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I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys