that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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