If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
