not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
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No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick