We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
