How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
