Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!