Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.