I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Porn is love you can see.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind