when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?