Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Less talking, more tequila
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues