I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
