Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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