When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.