It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Send us your Text From Last Night!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care