Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
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Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
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That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.