Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"