The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Send us your Text From Last Night!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs