Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
