you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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