you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.