just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.