this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
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Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
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Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
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He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!