I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
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You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.