You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.