I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We had to coat check the pizza.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions