This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.