He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.