You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
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i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
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Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS