I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus