Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.