I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed