He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
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My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
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Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
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you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.