Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
