and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.