Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.