I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Send us your Text From Last Night!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.